I Hired a Mother's Helper

I don't know why we have this idea that stay-at-home moms should have it all together. I guess because their mothering is their "career" we have impossible expectations of them? I don't know, but working mothers feel the pull too. Keep a perfect house, spend lots of time with your kids, serve in your community, have a hobby, cook only whole/clean/delicious/from-scratch food. Exercise every day and look fantastic.

Is this sounding unattainable to anyone else?

Well, I'm here to bust that image of perfection. You can't do it. Not all of it. But gosh we try, but something always slips. For me it was housework. And I was okay with that because it was clean enough, but I'd always get to a point, usually at the end of the week where I just couldn't stand it anymore and then cue the irritability, stress, and few hours of cleaning while grumbling about the kids messing everything up immediately.

Well, no more. I can't do everything, but I didn't want to give up something. Not my writing, not my work in the community, not homeschooling, not reading my books, or crafting, or playing games, or going on walks, or just sitting down on the couch sometimes and relaxing! I also didn't want to live in a dirty house.

A few months ago my mom came to visit and (lovingly) suggested that I should think about bringing in some help. She saw everything I did during the day and to her everlasting credit never suggested that I quit the stupid writing, or think about putting the kids in public school, or anything like that, even though there have been plenty of times I've worried that's what everyone thinks. But I'm blessed with very supportive family members, which is a wonderful thing to have.

It was a little hard to do at first. It kind of felt like admitting defeat. I'm a stay-at-home mom, I gave up working to be able to do all this. Did it make me a failure? Yeah, no. Forget you, society and your impossible expectations and darn you my passionate heart that loves to dabble and learn and read and play.

So a month ago I spoke with one of the girls at church choir practice about coming in a few times a week to help me and she said...YES!

It's been four weeks now. One of those weeks she was sick and couldn't come. But here's what we set up and why I love it.

She calls me on Sunday to let me know her work schedule and we agree on times she can come. It's usually about three hours a week, spread out over two or three days. I pay $10/hour. It's more than minimum wage and what she makes at her other job. I also throw in an extra five dollars a week to compensate her gas money, she doesn't live too far from us, but still.

Now the part you're probably wondering, what do I have her do?

All the things I just never seem to get to. These have included sanding and painting my kitchen table and chairs (I started it but never got around to finishing), scrubbing out car seats, helping clean out the car, scraping the gunk from off the table and chairs where Tom sits, and sweeping and mopping.

She also is just an extra pair of hands on days when I need them. When Tommy is extra clingy and hanging on my legs, I can sit down and just hold him while she takes care of whatever I'd been trying to do. She watches the kids in the front yard when I'm working on dinner. She's another person to read to.

And then sometimes she babysits for me.

Why I love it and have talked to her about doing it long term:

1. My floors are clean. CLEAN!
2. I don't have to mop!
3. It's allowed me to relax a bit more. I know I can take that extra thirty minutes to enjoy a book because she's coming in the afternoon.
4. It also gets me to work more. When she's here I can't just sit around and do nothing. That's awkward. So usually, it forces me to clean for a whole hour in the afternoons. That makes a big difference.
5. More dates! After months of not going out at all, Rob and I have gone on two dates this month because she came over and we were able to just take off. It was great!
6. I can leave on a date and ask her to clean something while I'm gone and SHE DOES!
7. It's someone to talk to and I think we both have things to offer. She gets paid and experience doing things that while not glamorous are important for living life. I get a cleaner home with less stress, projects finished, and extra time with Rob.

I have other ideas of things I'd like to use her for if I can ever stop needing her to clean my floors. One thing I've considered is leaving her with two of the kids while I take one of them out for some one-on-one time. Teaching her how to make breadsticks so I can count on having that help for dinner and not have to push it back an hour on nights I want bread sticks. Deep cleaning. Those hand prints on the walls? Dirty base boards? Window tracks? All those spring cleaning things;

All in all, the extra $140/month is well worth it. If you can carve out the space in your budget for help even just once a week, I highly recommend it. It's okay to ask for help. You don't have to be perfect. I'd say it's far more important to get in that extra hour of reading or painting or writing or playing.

A Journey in Discipline

A few weeks ago, I came to the end of my rope. I felt like I had tried every discipline technique under the sun and nothing was working. Why, whenever Max did something wrong did it always excalate into screaming, and tantrums. The more I disciplined, the more he acted out. It was a vicious cycle. One that always ended up with me feeling bad and Max feeling bad. I knew it was hurting him.

On good days he'd come up to me. "I'm choosing to be good Mom." Then his lip would pout out and he'd stare at the floor. "But sometimes I'm a bad boy." I always tried to reassure him, that he was always a good boy, just sometimes we make wrong decisions. But our actual discipline sessions said otherwise.

Me throwing him in timeout. Him banging on the door, screaming. Me screaming back that if he broke that door we'd never go to Disneyland again. My teeth were grinding. I was angry. I love my son and I've seen his sweet side, but why wouldn't he just shape up?

Time-outs worked great with Jane. Why did they send Max into a rage spiral? Why did some days feel like constant battles?

I reached out on an internet forum, begging for help. I got a lot of great responses and was led to a website by Dr. Laura Markham, that I highly recommend checking out. But I knew that I could not just adopt a new discipline strategy. I'd tried that before and I always flamed out miserably. I had to choose to make one change. Just one.

I made two actually.

Change #1 - I stopped viewing it as discipline, and instead saw it as a 'correction.'  I'd always gone into my discipline interactions viewing it as a battle of wills. 'You will listen to me. You will do what I say. You will bend your will to mine.' I saw every act of disobedience as a threat. But just changing that one word in my head changed my whole approach.

This wasn't about me. And this wasn't about punishment. I was not going to punish anyone into being a better person. Boundaries are needed by everyone. But I set them and enforced them in love. 'I love you be we can not act this way.' This change in wording led to...

Change #2 - Begin every correction with a statement of love/empathy. This change had a two-fold effect. First, it forced me to calm down and see the good in my son. I could not do this when I was angry. So now, I try to begin every correction by getting on eye level with my kids, lovingly touching them (hug, hand on the shoulder, etc.), and making a statement of empathy. "I understand that it's hard to..." or, "I love you so much, but we can't..."

Max's response totally changes with this approach.

But it's not perfect. Sometimes, even when I'm loving, my kids don't want to have to do what's expected. Sometimes they still get angry and start throwing fits. And when this happens, I have to help them calm down. Correction can't take place when either party isn't calm. So, right now I have two strategies to help everyone calm down.

Calming Strategy #1 - Deep breaths. These usually work best with some guided imagining. I have my kids blow out birthday candles. Or pretend to be the spring wind waking up the flowers. Or we pretend we've swallowed a balloon and are blowing it up inside us. If that doesn't work...

Calming Strategy #2 - Timeout. There is a place for it, I feel. But only as a way for us to calm down. It does not do the correcting. It is not a consequence. It is just a way to protect the child and everyone else and get us to a place where we can talk.

When I started employing these changes and strategies, I noticed a real difference in the peace in my home. But it wasn't my kids who changed. It was me. I stopped going into a correction in fear, or anger, or pride. I stopped trying to struggle against a child who was not in a place to listen. And then I had to actually correct. This led to a revamp of the rules.

Rules, rules, rules. So many rules. Don't hit. Don't kick. Don't yell. Don't spit. Don't throw. Don't, don't, don't. No, no, no. Everything was couched in the negative. And there were so many to remember. And what was the consequence for each of them. Did it help anyone learn anything other than, "Step out of line and be punished?"

New Rules:

Gentle Hands. (feet, teeth, heads, etc)
Gentle Words.
Gentle Voices.

Most things fall under these categories. When I couched our rules in these terms, it was easier for me to see that my consequences needed streamlining too. They needed to actually correct, not punish. Now, when the kids need a correction, I talk to them about getting their hands back to gently. About making up for what they did. Getting their words back to gentle, etc. The kids get to help me brainstorm this, if they're up for it.

Back to gentle hands. For Max, this works much better if I can find a soft blanket or silk and wrap it around his hands. "How can we get these hands back to gentle and soft like this blanket?" We have done all of the following and there are plenty more you can think of. Fold blankets, help pick up, do something nice for the person you hurt, give them a hug or kiss.

Back to gentle words. I usually make the child say something nice to or about the person they said something mean to. I'm also going to add asking for forgiveness, rather than saying, 'I'm sorry.' Sometimes a child refuses to do this. That is when I take them to their rooms. They can come back out and be with the family when they have something nice to say.

Back to gentle voices. Up until this last week, I didn't know what to do for this. But after praying, I was blessed with inspiration. We either sing a song or say a prayer. (Many times it is just me praying with the child on my lap) We pray to help our heart be happy again and let go of being angry. We sing songs about love and family.


My heart is the anchor of my home. If it is at peace, I am much more able to lead my children back to that place.  This is what I have learned more than anything. I'm by no means perfect. Sometimes I still find myself getting angry, yelling. But not nearly so much. And I snap out of it much faster and get back on track.

But my slip ups all have a similarity. I have not been on top of my game. Meaning, I probably didn't start my day with prayer and meditation. I am probably distracted. I have allowed meaningless things in the world bother me.

It's hard work. Hard to stay centered and present. Hard to be able to separate my self-worth from the actions of my children. But it is worth it.

I know my strategy will have to change as they grow older, and some of the things I do here would not work with a 2 year old by any stretch of the imagination. But for once, I finally feel like I'm swimming rather than just barely staying afloat.

I did make one other fantastic change. Storytelling. But that deserves a blog post all it's own, which I will write soon!

Verses for chores and transitions

I've been having a bit of a hard time getting Max to follow instruction the last week. However, I dove back in to some of the Waldorf parenting and education stuff that I love so much and refreshed my memory on some good techniques. One of these is easing transition times through song. A lot of what I saw as failing to follow instructions was partially just not wanting to transition from playing to whatever else. But in the last two days when I've begun transitions with singing, things have been so much smoother. Max stops what he's doing and comes out smiling and knows what is coming. Sometimes he still takes a bit of prodding, but it is much more peaceful than before. The singing probably helps me be more patient as well.

I think the other secret to this change in our household dynamics is that I've made sure to do everything with him. Instead of just telling him to clean up the toys, I sing the verse and begin to do it and have him help me. This is much better than telling him and telling him and then finally shouting "PICK UP YOUR TOYS!" He's still only four after all. This also applies to transitioning to outside playtime. The kids are much easier to get out the door when I'm heading that way too. I've been reminded how important modeling is with young children, and let's be honest, it's hard to get angry at someone singing and smiling and inviting you to join them.

So here are some verses I've made up and started using for different parts of our day. You can make up your own tune. I have mine that I use (although some I'm still toying with). If you're really stuck on tunes, let me know, and I'll post a video.

For making beds
(I've found that somewhere around 4-5 children are able to start making their bed themselves. It isn't super pretty, but it's made. Until that age, make it with them. Right now I'm able to make my bed and Jane and Max each make their bed.)

To keep a tidy house,
We all must make our beds.
So smooth the covers out.
Tonight we'll rest our heads

For putting laundry in the hamper

Toss in the shirts.
Toss in the skirts.
Toss in the dirty pants.
Get them off the floor
So we can wash
And wear once more.


For setting the table
(You get the kids knowing this one well enough and you can sing Do you smell the food? and they'll reply Mmm, it smells so good! It's like instant  compliments whenever you want!)

Do you smell the food?
Mmm, it smells so good!
Let's get the table set,
and we'll be eating yet!


To Go Outside
This one can be easily revised to reflect the weather. Don't be afraid to do so. (Or to go outside in all kinds of weather!)

The sun is shining,
Grass is green,
So come outside with me.


Bathtime To the tune of "Let's Go Fly a Kite"

Let's go take a bath,
Oh how we'll splish and splash
Let's go take a bath,
And then start snoring.
Up where the water's clear,
We know that bedtime's here.
Oh, let's go take a bath!


Post-Bath baby Song 
Okay, I don't know how well this will work for anyone else. You can try it with your baby's name. My baby is so wiggly now that singing a song and playing games are the only way to keep him still enough for diaper and dressing.

Oh my baby, Tommy-tum,
Let's put a diaper on your bum,
Then we'll give you pj's too,
And say goodnight to you!

Utilizing Expansion and Contraction in my Day

I recently read a book that was basically the introduction to how to do preschool at home with your little ones. Of course, there are probably a lot of these kind of books, but this one had a bit of a Waldorf spin on it, which I love. In the book, there was a section on expansion and contraction throughout our daily routine. At first, it seemed like a bit of weirdness to me, especially with the way the explained it. (And named it. Seriously? When they start asking, "Is your child too expanded? Too contracted? I start wanting to roll my eyes.)

However, when I actually put the idea and practice into place, it makes a big difference!

I've always been big on having a routine with my kids. Not like a down-to-the-minute-this-is-what-we-do sort of routine. But I like, and my kids like, knowing what comes next. I think its an important foundation for little ones (and for adults) and without it we end up feeling frazzled, spread thin, stressed, and disorganized. And it's just hard to have fun when you feel crazy.

So here's the idea behind being aware of expansion and contraction throughout your day.

Expansion is basically relaxation and entertainment. A child's free play falls under this category, as does playing outside.

Contraction is focus and productivity. It's completing a specific task. Think reading stories, doing chores, circle time/preschool, arts and crafts, etc.

Now a good day happens when we balance the two, and children need to go back and forth between the two more frequently than adults. As mothers we naturally do this sometimes. Like when your child just can't handle another second of playing with friends and you know its time to go home. Or when they won't sit through one more story and you know its time for them to go play.

I've tried to keep this idea of flowing back and forth between expansion and contraction in mind as I go through my day with my kids. Max has a tendency to need to go back and forth between the two rather quickly and frequently. When I make sure to vary his day and his activities between the two polarities, he is so much better. We don't get to the point where he is teasing Jane just for fun. But we also don't get to the point where he is throwing crayons across the room. I just try and keep an eye out for when it is time to switch gears.

I didn't know if trying this approach to viewing my day and planning our activities was working until Max's birthday when we took the day of from preschool. The morning was a disaster. I thought it would be fun to just let the kids play all day, but after a while they just ended up fighting non-stop or whining about what we were going to do next.

For some of you awesome moms out there, this idea will be nothing new. But for me, it was a little bit of an "Aha moment" so I thought I'd share!

Let it go...Christmas won't be perfect.

I recently saw some people on a forum saying that they love Christmas but they hate the stress. They don't like the stress of buying the perfect present and hosting the family get-together, and all the baking and cooking, and in general trying to make everything perfect and magical for the kids.

If you are looking to create or have the perfect Christmas you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Who's to say what's perfect anyway?

 Today the kids and I made Santa hats out of construction paper, cotton balls, and as you can see from this picture...lots of glue.

Yeah, okay, nobody's project ended up looking like a Santa hat.

But we did get a real nice Cumulus cloud going over here.


This isn't my first try at a Christmas project that didn't go as planned. I plan lots of things and want them to be just as I envision them and they rarely are.  Are you like me?

You may be like me, and envision a fun day of sledding, only to have it end after three minutes because one kid got snow on their chin and the other refused to wear gloves. If you are like me, you swore you were NEVER GOING SLEDDING AGAIN!  If your kids are like mine, the next day they were both talking about it like it had been fun and want to go again.

Or maybe you envision handing out neighbor gifts and singing a spiritual carol at the door, but the only thing your kids will sing is "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".

Or maybe you are trying to make Santa hats and just get a mountain of cotton balls. But in the end my kids didn't look at their project in disappointment. They'd had a blast.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that things ARE NOT going to be perfect, and like Clark Griswald, we've got to stop expecting it and setting ourselves up for failure. The thing is, Christmas is magical for kids with very little effort. They will enjoy anything you try, even if it is a complete failure. Just don't react like I did with the sledding and swear to never go again. Chances are your kids didn't think it was a failure at all.

11 Tips for A Peaceful Christmas

I know it seems early, but I truly believe the secret to a peaceful, meaningful Christmas has to start early. Here are just a few tips and tricks that have helped me in the past and that I have learned from other great women in my life.

1. Shop for as much as possible now so you can stay out of the store in December. Christmas shop...now! Skip that Black Friday sale. Research shows that, except for a few select items the stores use to lure buyers, everything else is actually a better buy in October! I would also include food. Staying out of the stores will help you avoid long lines and holiday meltdowns from your kids. And just think how relaxed you'll feel when you aren't worrying about Christmas presents!

2. Keep the TV off or just watch movies. I love Christmas commercials, but let's face it. The last thing you need in December is for your kids to see a commercial for some and suddenly change their Christmas list and leave you in a lurch. Avoiding the materialistic side of Christmas will also help make it more meaningful.

3.  Sit down at the beginning of the holiday and write down everything you both want, and have, to do (include your kids tthoughts). Then cross off half the list. We often feel there is so much we HAVE to do to make Christmas special, but frankly, it will feel a lot more special to you and your kids if you aren't beyond stressed!

4. Get your Christmas cards made and addressed before Thanksgiving so all you have to do is send them out. If this isn't possible, think about sending out a Valentine's card instead.

5.  Remember that list you made? Write down one thing to do every day on a calendar and then do it!

6. Be sure to include at least one service project or donation in your holiday and then involve your kids.

7.  Don't let Pinterest get to you! I ran into this at Halloween, feeling like I must be a lousy mom because I wasn't doing all these awesome crafts with my kids. Make Christmas cuddly, snuggly, warm and happy. It doesn't always have to be wrapped in scrap paper and glitter.

8. Wrap your presents early so you don't have to do it Christmas eve. Just do it!

9.  Read several Christmas stories. Out loud. Feel free to bawl your eyes out.

10. Have friends over...once.

11. Read about Christ. Every. Single. Day. Talk to your kids about it.

What do you do to have a peaceful, meaningful Christmas?

Not everything is worth worrying about...is it?

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by everything you are supposed to worry about as a mother?

 Kids are obese
Society tells girls they are too fat
Society tells boys they are stupid
Protect your kids from predators, but make sure you encourage independence!
Too much TV
Bad things in your food
Go organic!
Go green!
No spanking!
No time outs!
Your kids are behaving badly, where is your discipline?
School shootings
Are your kids reading enough?
Do they do enough art/creativity projects?
Encourage imagination
Video games
Internet
Clean the house
Don't use harsh chemicals
 Autism
Lead Poisoning
College
Sports and activities

Oh, and DON'T FORGET TO SIMPLIFY!!!!

 Ugh, I'm sure I could think of more, but that seems plenty don't you think? How do you boil down your mothering strategy to address as many of these areas as possible? Or better yet, how do you decide what to worry about and what to toss?

I think ultimately, we just need to stop looking at everything as all or nothing.  Implement small changes if you think it is important, and continue if you like it.  I think we also need to trust ourselves a little more.  You will know what to do and say if you try to be in tune with your kids and leave the doors of communication open.  To me, this means, slow down, try to find, and spend, unstructured time together as a family.

 I put the simplify worry last, because as women, we even get to worrying about simplifying and if we are doing it right, or enough.  But this is just silly.  Simplifying your life will make a difference in your stress level. Take a look at your family's schedule and how it lines up with your priorities.  Are there things you can cut out?  How about a new approach to dinner or housecleaning to alleviate certain stressors?  There will always be things to worry about, but lets see how many birds/worries we can kill with one stone.  Think of it as simplifying your stress.

Here's my example, in the parentheses I put the birds killed by my mentioned stone.


 I focus on turning off the TV, going outside and letting my children freely choose their play without getting in their way, as much as possible(this tackles obesity, play, imagination, and I also believe some of societies messages to our children).
I have tried to cut out processed food as much as possible without going overboard(obesity, going green, etc).
We do one scheduled activity(it takes place 2Xweekly) It is swimming lessons, so it is fun but also a needed safety precaution. I considered dance, or gymnastics, but right now swimming is more important in my eyes for it's safety aspects(safety, obesity, activities).

 I was also given the tools to tackle a lot of my mommy insecurity(Am I playing with the kids enough? Oh no, my house is a mess!) by implementing certain aspects of Waldorf mothering into my day.

As one example,I always invite the children to join me in my housework or baking by providing extra cloths, spray bottles, pots, pans, and spoons. Sometimes they join in, sometimes they keep playing, but they always have the option for more mom time if they want it. Plus, I no longer look at my cooking and cleaning as things to get out of the way, but as an important opportunity to model for my children things they can use in their imaginative play and ultimately learn later in life(imagination, independence, cleaners/chemicals, simplifying).  Just this change in attitude has done wonders for my worry.
( For more information on ideas for moms from Waldorf concepts check out joyfultoddlers.com.)


 So once again, how do you pick and choose, and ultimately let go of your mommy worries?  What are your strategies for simplifying your stress?

Getting Back On the Wagon

Image found at cartoonstock.com

We all have a "good mom" groove.  A schedule and way of doing things that helps us have organized, productive, and special days.  If you don't have one, I suggest you read "Steady Days" by Jamie Martin for ideas.

However, sometimes we fall out of that groove.  It doesn't take much to throw us off.  Sometimes it is illness, an unusually busy week, an out-of-town husband, or an approaching major life-change.  These sorts of things happen, and they push us into survival mode.  Survival mode is never a great place to be, but often we continue to function in that mode long past the time when it is necessary.

Today's Monday.  It's a great day to get back on the wagon.  Whether that wagon is being a good mom, losing weight, limiting TV, or better time management.  Jump back into your groove TODAY!

Maybe you fell off the wagon because there was a flaw in your original gameplan.  If so, revisit your goals today and tweak some things to make it work in your life.

You can get back on track today.  Maybe not with EVERYTHING, but one step in the right direction is better than standing still.

A Routine For Your Goals

It's the end of January.  How are you doing on your New Year's Resolutions? 

Rob and I just set ours a week ago, but instead of setting a goal, we set a routine.

We discussed changes we wanted to see in our family, and instead of just setting a goal, we decided to implement a few new routines.

A routine doesn't have to encompass your entire day.  We looked at two parts of our day and implemented a new routine for them that includes making the changes we had discussed.

For example, Rob and I wanted to get better at having morning family prayer and  couple scripture study.  We discussed what made it hard to do those things with our current routine, and realized that we were too rushed in the mornings and that breakfast was being served too late. 

We wrote down and implemented the following schedule.

6:30 - Mom and Dad both up, get ready for the day

7:15 - Breakfast

7:30 - scripture study

7:50 - Morning Prayer and dad off to work

We don't usually hit the times exactly, but the goal and the time in the back of our mind keeps us moving and helps us make sure to get all the parts of our routine in.

We have been doing this for a week, and it has really made a difference in our mornings. 

Similarly, I wanted to start Jane and Max on chores and so I added a new routine.  Right after we get dressed, we make our beds.  Just like that.  It is now a habit.  We sing a song to signify it is time to make beds and we just do it.  It's our routine.

Our last goal was to cut down on TV time and have more family time.  But we didn't leave it at that.  We isolated a specific problem time (when Rob comes home from work and has to take care of the kids while I make dinner).  Then we replaced the old routine (turn on the tv) with a new routine (play games).  So now every day when Rob comes home it is game time in our house. 

Do you think some new routines would help you with your goals?

Make the Most of Your Time in the Car!

One of my New Year's goals is to teach my children a new Nursery Rhyme or Finger Play every week, as well as a short child's song.  Last week was "You Are My Sunshine" and "Jack Be Nimble".  This week is "Three Little Kittens" and "Humpty Dumpty". 

Nursery Rhymes, finger plays, and songs are a great way to facilitate new speech and vocabulary.  Kids love to sing and they love to hear their mother sing (no matter how you sound).  They love the lilting, sing-songy feel of nursery rhymes and you will be surprised at how fast they can memorize.  They may not let on at first, but then one day you will hear them playing and singing and reciting.

Not only are nursery rhymes a great way to help inprove speech and vocabulary but they also offer a valuable base for later literary building.  Think of how often nursery rhymes are alluded to in our culture!  How sad to not understand because you don't know your nursery rhymes.

Teaching your children nursery rhymes doesn't have to be a huge affair.  I just say the rhyme we are learning a few times in a row and then say the other ones we have learned in the past.  I think the best time to do this is when you can truly have your children's attention...in the car!!  They aren't going anywhere.  So turn off the movie and the music and start learning some nursery rhymes!

You may be tempted to just put in a movie or tape of nursery rhymes.  This can work, but children really do love their mother's voice.  Hearing words from a real person means a lot more than from a machine!

Mothering With a Heart of Peace

We all want to be the best mothers possible.  We worry about how our words and actions affect the small, developing minds and bodies of our children.  Our children are much more in tune with our emotions (no matter how much we try to hide them) than we give them credit for.  They might not understand the circumstances but a child can tell when mom is upset. 

I wanted to write today about mothering with a heart of peace. 

I'm sure we've all had experience with days where we were mothering with anything BUT a heart of peace.  Worries, anger, unkind thoughts and feelings, anxiety and guilt can all take up valuable space in our minds and even decrease the number of productive minutes in our day. 

I remember when Rob was looking for a job at the end of dental school.  The anxiety of the job search had me on the computer all the time, looking for jobs, researching cities and towns, looking at homes and so forth.  I don't remember many specifics about that time except for THE SEARCH, but I'm sure my mothering suffered.  How could it not?  I was no longer living in the present, and that is what a peaceful heart allows you to do.

We are at our best as mothers when we try to be fully alive in the present with an eye of hope towards the future.  Many things can try to destroy our peace; family struggles, the news, co-dependency, past hurts or offenses, and especially worries that we our not doing a good enough job as mothers.

Family Struggles/Changes - Sometimes these can be financial, job-related, or marital.  It can be hard to try and maintain a peaceful heart during these times.  How do you banish these constant worries and thoughts from your mind?  As much as possible try and talk about these issues with your spouse in private.  During the day, instead of stewing with worry and calling every five minutes to discuss a new idea or worry, write your thoughts down and try to leave that worry on the paper until you can discuss it further.  Focus on what you CAN do to help alleviate a situation instead of feeling helpless about all the things that are out of your control. 

Take some deep breaths, and pray, pray, pray.  Then start making a list of all of your blessings and pray again in gratitude.

The news - It is a rare occasion when there is good news on.  Bad news sells, and it can make one start to feel like the whole world is falling apart.  It makes us forget how much good there is in the world.  Sometimes I just have to turn the news off.  I don't want to parent with anger in my heart because of some politician.  If I think about it too much, I find myself weighed down to despair over how much pain and heartache is in the world. 

If you struggle with these issues, I once again echo some of the same advice.  Focus on what you CAN do, and then leave your unpeaceful feelings with that.  Can you send money to a relief organization?  Maybe you can organize a donation drive.  Write a letter to said politician.  Or if you can do none of these things to help the situation, simply hug your family close and thank the Lord for the time you get to spend with them. 

Maybe you can contain your news reading/watching time to after the kids are in bed so as to keep a peaceful heart during the day.

Codependency - Codependency is depending on other people's opinions of you to determine your own sense of self worth and acting for the approval of others.  It never brings peace, no matter how good of a show you put on.  You have to decide what is best for you and your family.  It may not be what other people do, and that is ok.  We are all different, with different beliefs and priorities.  Stop comparing yourself to what some anonymous poster says on the internet or what some thoughtless person has said about you.  You know your situation.  A few years ago I wrote a statement down to help me get centered when I realized that I was letting other people's thoughts weigh too heavily on my mind. 

It went something to the effect of "I know what I am doing is good.  I will not let the thoughts and opinions of people who do not even know me to affect my feelings about myself or my mothering.  I know why I made the decisions I did, and can not live my life for others."  Do you need to write down your own centering statement? 

Past hurts and offenses - It is hard to truly be in the present when you are harboring anger or guilt over the past.  Some things can be very hurtful, and somethings may require counseling.  But one of the best things you can do is work to rid these feelings from your heart.  Maybe you need to call someone and apologize.  Maybe you need to forgive someone who will never apologize.  I promise that the Lord can help you forgive if you pray sincerely.  We may need to forgive someone over and over, but the struggle to forgive feels far better than the gnawing in your heart of anger.  Just think of the burden that will be released.

Mommy Guilt - As mothers, we are often too hard on ourselves.  Sometimes though, we feel bad because we know we could do better.  If you are feeling bad about your mothering get off the blogs, get off facebook and pinterest, and spend some good face time with the real, flesh and blood people in your life.  If there is something specific in your mothering, read some books on that subject.  Wise use of time and a sincere effort to always learn and improve will leave us with a feeling of peace about our motherhood.

Sometimes just having children in our house makes us feel like our home is anything but peaceful.  However, your heart still can be.  For the little things that come up every day, turn on some peaceful music, go on a walk, take some deep breaths, smile, pray and be grateful.  Carve out some peaceful time for yourself everyday, perhaps in the morning before everyone else is awake.  You can use this time to pray, read, meditate, plan out your day, watch the sunrise, or dream about the future. 

I hope we will all do what it takes to mother with a heart of peace.

A SIMPLE Toy Rotation

Now that Christmas is over, we see once again how much money seems to be wasted on toys that are played with for a few days and then forgotten about.  As parents, I'm also sure you have had the experience of going to a friends house where there are less toys, or even relatively similar toys as yours, and your kids are excited to play with everything!  Why don't they do that with their own toys, we wonder. 

A toy rotation helps keep toys new and exciting in a child's mind.  I have always felt overwhelmed by a toy rotation because I thought it meant splitting up my children's already small collection and remembering to change them out at a certain interval.  It just seemed like too much work.  I just read in Jamie Martin's "Steady Days" about a different toy rotation that I think I can do.

Choose a certain toy/toys for each day of the week that you can also engage in play with.  At a certain time each day, pull out that day's toy and play with your children.  This kills two birds with one stone.  It keeps some toys special and "new" and it reminds you to play with your kids. 

I sat down and made my rotation yesterday.  I thought of the toys that I know my children enjoy but that just sit idle when they get overwhelmed by too many toy choices.  My rotation is subject to change, but right now it looks like this.

M - Blocks
T - Little People
W - Tent and tunnels
Th - Ride-on toys
F - Potato Heads

Just as a last note.  I think toy rotation are mostly beneficial for toddlers and preschoolers.  Around 5-6 years old, children starting making a plan for their play instead of just letting it coming to them, and having their full assortment of toys helps to deepen the imaginative play.  Younger children, however, get overwhelmed with too many choices and end up playing with nothing.  Analyze your families needs and do what feels right, and works for you.

Friday Night Traditions

Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.
Susan Lieberman

Traditions are so important in a family. They provide consistent memories, family time, structure and something to look forward to.  For children, traditions make up the routine that keeps them feeling secure. 

We usually associate traditions with holidays and special times of year.  Today I am challenging you to start a new tradition.  One that you can celebrate every week!  I think Friday night is a good night for family traditions, but you can choose whichever day works for you.

I remember growing having the tradition of Sunday Night scones, Friday family movie night, and monday game night.  Of course, rarely altogether.  Traditions come and go.  Just because you start a tradition doesn't mean you have to commit to it for the rest of your life.  Traditions are only fun so long as they make sense in your family.  Once they consistently become a drudgery or work, get rid of them.  You children will still look back on these traditions with fond memories even if they don't last for years and years.

So what are some guidelines for fun weekly traditions? 

1.  Anything that can be done for free or very cheap.  That way the tradition can still provide a sense of security even when things might not be financially ideal.

2.  Something that the whole family can enjoy and participate in.

3.  Something that encourages conversation and fun.

Your tradition can be small or large, short or long.  It is up to you and your needs.  Make sure you are flexible with your traditions.  A Friday movie night may soon turn into a Friday Football night when your child joins the team, or a Monday tradition may have to become a Wednesday tradition as schedules change. 

Still at a loss for what new tradition to start?  Here are a few ideas for fun weekly traditions.

Dinner by candle light

Game night

Movie night

Special Dessert night

Story telling night

A long walk/hike

Dance party day

Arts and Crafts night

Doorbell Ditch a treat

Secret acts of Service day

The possibilities are endless, the memories last forever. We are implementing a weekend game night (sometimes Friday, sometimes Saturday).  What new tradition will you start?

 

Refrigerator Love Letters

About a year ago I purchased "love" word magnets. Since then, Rob and I have had fun putting together short little love sentences on the fridge. It is just a fun little game between us, and an easy way to get a few butterflies going (which can be a challenge after children). Because the words are on the fridge they are on display all the time and easy to remember. It was $7.00 well spent!

27 Ways to Get Your Child Hooked on Books

I got this list from PaulBorgese.com

1. Develop reading readiness by reading to your baby.
2. Introduce your baby to the world through books. (ex. if you are reading a simple book that mentions a banana, show your baby a real banana)
3. Give your child a book box (like a toy box, but for books!)
4. Allow your child to take part in choosing books
5. Show interest in reading.
6. Set aside part of your child's allowance to be spent only on books.
7. Ask relatives and friends who normally give gifts to your children to give them books or magazing subscriptions.
8. Reserve a shelf in your bookcase for your child.
9. Help your children to make their own books.
10. Help your child make colorful bookmarks out of construction paper.
11. Introduce your child to the public library during his or her preschool years.
12. Check with your local libraries and bookstores for dates when children's book authors will be reading or signing their books.
13. Help your child write to a favorite author.
14. Buy a good set of encyclopedias for your child.
15. Also, make sure to have a dictionary in your child's reference library.
16. Make sure your child reads some activity books such as cookbooks or gardening books.
17. Create a reading area for your child.
18. Read and dicuss stories with your children.
19. Get your child involved inthe stories they read. (ask what they would do if they found themselves in a similar situation, etc.)
20. Play reading games. (You know the kind where each person adds a sentence to the story)
21. Limit how much TV your child watches.
22. Evcourage your children to exercise their imaginations by having them draw characters or places they read about in their favorite books.
23. Collect old books your children have outgrown and donate them to book drived held by children's hospitals, churches or other organizations which help the needy.
24. Encourage your child to write often.
25. Help your child keep track of the books he or she has read by keeping a journal with the title, author, and date completed of each book read.
26. Play a game I call "Give-the Story-An-End." Just before the end of a story, ask your children to make up theor own endings.
27. For more information on books for children, visit www.paulborgese.com

Lessons from the ER

Wednesday night we were in the ER with Miss J. She got a spider bite on her face and it was swelling her eyes shut. The ER here is terribly managed we found out. We waited for 4 hours!! Thankfully I had the diaper bag that I take to church still in the car. It was still loaded with books, toys and quiet activities, as well as snacks and drinks (which was good because the water fountain was broken). We were able to keep the kids somewhat under control as well as entertain another little girl who found herself in the unfortunate circumstance of being in this ER for HOURS.

It was such a blessing that I hadn't unpacked it from the car like I usually do. It got me thinking though. We are always told to prepare for an emergency. Get your 72 hour kits together, Prepare an emergency pack for your car in case you break down in the middle of winter, etc. But for this particular emergency, a well-packed diaper bag was exactly what was needed.

When we got in the car and left the house, we weren't headed to the ER. However, after calling the doctor on our way home from Wal-Mart we had a change of plans. We have probably all had instances when a few well-placed supplies for our children would have been heaven sent. I think I am going to keep a bag with some toys and snacks, as well as fresh undies, diapers, and wipes in the car at all times. You just never know when it will come in handy.

What about you? What do you think are some essentials for a Kid emergency pack.

Birthday Cake Ideas - Birthday Cakes Recipes for Kids | FamilyFun

 

Birthday Cake Ideas - Birthday Cakes Recipes for Kids | FamilyFun

I love this website!  This is where I found the instructions for Jane’s birthday cake that looked like a lamb.  Everything turns out looking awesome, but it isn’t super hard, and doesn’t take a cake decorating whiz.  They have all sorts of styles of cake to choose from, it doesn’t have to be birthday cake either!

Milk Jug Sprinkler

This is a fun water toy that you can make from an old milk carton (which means you can brag about it being free and green, right?) Fill a clean milk carton up with water. Put the cap on. Turn the milk carton over and punch holes into the bottom. The more holes, the better. I used a teeny, tiny screw driver, a nail or any other sharp object would also work. Empty out enough water so that your child can hold the jug and hald it over. It is a nice sprinkle toy.

Leave the cap off to allow kids to refill the jug themselves, and have twice the pouring action.

Beat the Heat...and Clean!

It's hot outside!! Too hot to be outside for little ones. And inside isn't much better! Get some cleaning done and keep the kids cool at the same time. Sweep up your kitchen and dining room floors nice and spiffy. Then fill up several bowls of nice cool water. Place them around the kitchen and dining room. PUll out your spoons, measuring cups, sponges, water toys etc. Let your kids have at it for as long as they want.

Then simply take a towel and wipe up the water being sure to focus on any sticky parts. You can add soap to the water if you want and if you know your kids won't eat it). It won't be the deepest clean your house has ever seen, but it works! Who doesn't want to kill two birds with one stone?

Magnet/Flannel Board Images

Looking for good pictures for Family Home Evening lessons, church lessons, or quiet books? Here is a link for all sorts of pictures for lessons and stories.

Flannel Board Stories

I think flannel boards are hard, but I am going to print off these pictures, laminate them and attach magnets on the back. That way I can just use a cookie sheet as the board to put pictures on. I want to get a small cookie sheet to take to church so the kids can play with these pictures during Sacrament Meeting.